The Art and Value of Acknowledgment

by Connie Pappas

While within a group of seasoned professionals, enhancing our services we explored optimal ways to support a client. We were each asked to "try on" something–either with our significant other or another family member. No matter the relationship's current temperature, whether harmonious or strained, we were asked to reflect upon and consider what we truly appreciated about them, and in turn, to provide sincere acknowledgment. …and then, to take note of their emotional state, behavior, or actions as a result of the acknowledgment.

In a nutshell, acknowledgment is the act of recognizing the truth or rightness of something. It's a way of expressing appreciation, especially for positive, caring behavior, a contribution, or a unique and inspiring characteristic. Unlike a compliment, acknowledgment goes deeper. It is mindfully and specifically tailored for the recipient.

We acknowledge professionals at award ceremonies and in so doing they shine. We write generous testimonials for service providers, authors, and other professionals; though, do we take time to acknowledge a spouse or a friend for their mindful listening, their generosity, or their support? And professionally, do we take time to verbally acknowledge our team members, employees, or colleagues? 

On a monthly average, most people are criticized five times more often than acknowledged. It seems to be the norm within some small businesses, local communities, and large corporations. Criticism over acknowledgment is often thought of as being useful, effective, and even motivating. But, is it? And if it is–for how long is it effective?

If we truly want to improve morale within a familial relationship or a corporation–we've got to ask ourselves, does criticism improve our self-esteem, lift our spirits, inspire us to function better, or produce more?

If the answer is yes...how long does criticism actually motivate and support the morale and growth of a company or harmony within a family?

There are times when criticism may seem "constructive". (But, got to say, it  sounds like an oxymoron – which is another topic entirely, for another time.)

Back to the art and value of acknowledgment and an outcome–one of the professionals made an effort to sincerely acknowledge her husband. Here's how it went:

After determining what she genuinely appreciated about him, that evening, she acknowledged her husband for his mindful and supportive way, his kindness, and the monetary contribution he made to the family. Before that time, she hadn't thought to verbalize what she recognized in him. Once he was acknowledged – the next day, without being asked, he took care of various household tasks (which, beforehand, getting him to do was like pulling teeth). He began to go above and beyond, acting unilaterally, taking initiative he hadn't taken in years–including organizing special evenings out and surprise weekends away. She wondered, how could something so simple make such a difference. Previously, she had developed a pattern of pushing, nudging, and criticizing him, and hadn't thought (or had forgotten) to provide validation and sincere acknowledgment.

The benefits of acknowledgment:

· recipient feels understood, appreciated, and honored - and self-esteem is raised
· greater cooperation, generosity, interpersonal alignment, and alertness,
· increased oxytocin for both the giver of acknowledgment and the receiver.

When we consider acknowledging someone, it is best to read and understand our "audience". Each situation requires intuition, logic, and mindfulness. Everyone is different, and every cultural norm or company philosophy varies. Being true to oneself is important, and so, if acknowledging feels either unfamiliar or too intimate...best to first practice with a loved one.

Humans are interdependent. We prosper and evolve when who we are, what we do, and the way in which we contribute–whether within a family, society, or a company is acknowledged. The human spirit awakens when a person is recognized and appreciated. We thrive by way of reflection, validation, and positive acknowledgment. So ~ why not make it the norm?